Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize