Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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