youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
