You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
