her vagine was all disorganized.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
