I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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