I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
