I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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