just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
