He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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