Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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