dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
