Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
