just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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