She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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