Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
