you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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