I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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