Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize