not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
