Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
