her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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