So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
