How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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