Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
