Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize