if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
