why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have already put on my inside pants.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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