haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
