If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
