Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
