i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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