Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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