the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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