Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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