**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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