You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
