you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
