How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.