If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Cover your peen. We're going out.