I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras