my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.