I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.