i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
