Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
