he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
