Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
