Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
