You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize