Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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