I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
