I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
