A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
