that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
