I wish my penis had an off switch
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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