hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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