He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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