I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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