stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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