pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
