i would punch a child for taco bell
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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