If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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