My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
