I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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