i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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