he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
