A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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