The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
that is very illegal...i love you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
