"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize