Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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